My Enemy is Me.

To be completely honest and transparent, remarrying my ex has not been the bed of roses I’ve claimed it to be.

We don’t argue, fight, or stop talking to each or anything.

We actually talk more, love more, and make it a point to spend time with each other.

At this point your probably confused right?

Well, the issue isn’t him or what we have built together.

The issue is ME.

grayscale photo of man posing with beanie hat over his face
Photo by Wallace Chuck on Pexels.com

My unwarranted fears of being cheated on, lied to, or if there is another woman are all lies my anxiety and my own thoughts have planted to ruin my happiness. To make it 100 % clear, my husband hasn’t done anything to make me feel this way. These thoughts appear to me on their own.

However, I’m so grateful for growth !!

Rather than confront my husband about my own fears I focused on myself. Instead of saying what could HE do to make me feel better, I asked myself what can I do to make myself feel better? My happiness, my contentment, and my view of my own self-worth are my job to make sure are being met, not his or anyone else.

bright bulb close up conceptual
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I dug deep to see why I had these thoughts when I literally had no reason to and I realized it was an unhealthy reflection of how I view myself coming to light.

For instance, If I tell myself “he may cheat on me”

Then I am truly saying “I am not worthy of someone being exclusive to just me, in order to love me they must have someone else as well”

This is obviously a lie however it helps me puts things in perspective. I’m beautiful and I do believe I’m enough. And even if that were to happen it still does not change my worth or my value. My husband can do all the right things and give me his all but If I don’t make sure I’m perceiving it with a healthy vision, then it will never be enough and that isn’t his burden to carry.

It is not another person job to make you happy. 

person on hill
Photo by Felix Mittermeier on Pexels.com

Another person’s choices don’t devalue you or your worth. It simply is what it is Their choice!

We cannot control what others choose to do with their free will but we can choose how we react and the choices we make should we ever feel we have been violated.

Aside from that, however, when you can stop and see that your thoughts or beliefs are wrongfully taking form in your mind. Confront yourself.

Dig deep and do the work, rather than let thoughts come and go, evaluate each and every one of them and then dispose of them.  Our minds can be our best friend and our enemies at times. Train it to think how you want it to think and watch things around you begin to flourish.

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