The Friend who never Existed.

I have only had 2 long relationships in my entire life and that has never bothered or really affected me.

I was never really into boys. I loved reading and spending time with my friends and going out. I liked the freedom that not being in a relationship gave me. I could go and do what I wanted without being locked down.


two women embracing surrounded by crowd
Photo by Wendy Wei on

The first guy I ever dated was when I was in the 9th grade. He lived 30 minutes away from me and for this story, I’ll just call him Marcus. I met Marcus through a mutual friend and what really drew me to him was from that first day on we literally could talk about anything. He had a bad boy vibe but he was also very smart. He intrigued me.


two person standing and holding their hands beside blue wall
Photo by Thomas Ward on

As the months went on, he came down to my home, met my family, and we just had a long-distance relationship but one that lasted for a little over a year.

When we broke up I was really devastated. He had a friend pretend to be his girl and basically tell me he was done with me.

We didn’t talk for over 6 years after that.

When I finally did see him again, I was attending college and he was too. We bumped into each other and exchanged numbers just to reconnect as friends.

Once we did, I found out he had married that same girl he used to break up with me but they had divorced. I also got an apology for how he had treated me when we were younger.

women s white and black button up collared shirt
Photo by bruce mars on

Karma does have a way of catching up to people!

As the years continued to pass we kept in contact as he remarried and I got married as well.

Our spouses knew about our friendship and it was just a touch and go kind of thing. We just checked in maybe every 3 months, nothing lasting.

The thing is we always texted and never called each other but one day he called me so I knew something was up.

As soon as I answered the phone he explained that his new wife was leaving him and he just needed to vent. As he talked I noticed a lot about him hadn’t changed. He still had this “me against the world” mentality from when we were younger.

As I, in his mind took his wife’s side, he begins to berate me and bring up things I had shared with him as a friend about my own fears. Things I believed he would understand since he knew me.

man wearing brown suit jacket mocking on white telephone
Photo by Moose Photos on

Yet as he went on he said something that changed everything. “You think you know me but you really don’t “. And after that comment, a light went on in my head.

I ended the convo wished him well and deleted his number and any trace of him off my social media. I knew his ego wouldn’t allow him to apologize and I realized he was right. After over 12 years of keeping in contact, I didn’t know him.

I created a hero or the idea of a friend that I had for years. Being a military brat I never knew how to stay emotionally connected with people. I had friends, tons of them, but after a few years, I’d stop wanting to hang out. As I got older I longed for that type of connection and bumping into him filled that void.

Releasing that friendship was hard but it was needed. It forced me to confront a lot about myself and realize a lot about my self that I hadn’t before.

I would have loved to be one of those people who could say “oh yes we’ve been friends for years” but that just isn’t my life.


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