It’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog update and it’s because I’ve been lost in the corners of my mind searching for peace and mental relief.
About 3 months ago I weaned myself off my anxiety medication and felt absolutely amazing about it.
I felt free, in control, and like I had finally learned how to live my life without any outside help.
But with everything that’s going on in the world I begin to doubt my decision.
Chest pains, headaches, and low level panic attacks are just a few symptoms I’ve dealt with during this whole process.
I’m not sleeping, I’m obsessively cleaning, and I’m basically letting anxiety overcome me and rear it’s ugly head again.
I had to rethink my relationship with my medicine and how internally I felt like getting back on it would make me a failure. That I wasn’t as “healed” as I thought I was.
Yet due to coming so far in my self love and how God views me, I realized that with it or without it, my value doesn’t change.
I am not a failure for choosing relief that works for me, and it doesn’t decrease my faith when I choose to get medical help.
In fact, I believe it shows I’m trusting God even more simply because he has provided a solution for me where I don’t have to suffer alone or even at all. It may not look like what I would want it to, but it’s STILL a blessing to know something works rather than having a medical condition where there’s no view of hope or relief.
I am still praying, still reading my word, and still believing. I still know God has everything in control and I still know he’s looking out for me.
Before getting back on my medicine, I’ve decided to dig deeper within myself and also delete some of the channels that are increasing my anxiety during this time.
I’ve deleted my Facebook, stopped watching the news, and have gotten back into journaling. I read a book, search for self care podcasts, and communicate with my family when I feel overwhelmed.
Overall, I’m seeing the growth and how everything I’ve learned to overcome my anxiety, I’m actually using !
That’s a huge victory in itself.