Like many of us, I’ve been existing.
Not really expecting much and still showing up every day to do what’s required of me.
Only speaking for myself, when I’m flooded with many emotions at once, I kind of become numb to an extent to handle it all.
I feel happiness but to a limit, I feel sadness but to a limit, I feel hope, but that too has a limit.
And it’s something I’ve been doing for so many years, I don’t even notice when it starts and when it ends until I feel happier and recognize that the happiness I’ve reached, I hadn’t feel in a while.
That’s what church was like for me on Sunday.
I went through the motions, I said “amen”, “hallelujah” and even rose my hands around in gratitude.
I knew God deserved it but I was numb to really feeling it.
That is until the end when my Pastor prayed and he asked God to clean our ears, mind, and eye gates because of all we are being exposed to in this day in time.
And I mean, experiencing God is what brought me to my faith, and it’s still the most refreshing feeling I will ever experience.
It’s like when those words came out of his mouth, tears instantly fell.
My “gates” had become so numb that I didn’t realize how “clogged up” I was until they were cleared.
It felt like water being poured on me and I just sobbed as I truly FELT that he is God and that he is very well aware of the noise, mayhem, and distress the body takes on even when the mind doesn’t quite comprehend it.
I just felt such a sense of peace and prophetically I could see all this gunk falling off me.
I cried for the state of the world, the lives lost by the virus, and for my children. In that moment I cried out of fear, stress, and anxiety from not knowing how to protect my family and trust that God could bring America back from this.
I cried because so many prophetic and “God led” people I looked up to chose sides instead of standing in the middle with Christ like they proclaimed to do.
I cried because I’m afraid to go to certain neighborhoods around my house in fear that someone may deem I don’t belong there so I choose not to walk my dog.
I cried because I had to end the relationship with my best and only friend to protect my own peace and growth.
In so many words, I cried out what was not of him so I could take on what WAS him.
It still amazes me how he knows what our needs are before we do. I just needed a good cry and there was no other reason than to wash out my “gates”.
The world is speaking so forcibly and so loudly that you can either become victim to it all or do like I did and become numb.
Don’t feel like you have to know if the virus is real, who to vote for, or even what’s next for you. Jesus concerns himself with the noise, he wants us to concern ourselves with his perfect peace.